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Meanwhile, in Beijing…

3 janvier 2010
Hello, dear !

I just heard at the radio that special weather is now over Beijing. Coldest temperature since 40 years, this huge cold air circulation from Siberia. You have white fog, lot of snow…

Am I reduced to hope that this does not describe also temperature of your heart… And I know I am not alone in the world. I saw your sour reflection on your blog about what this new year can bring to the people, when there is no wise direction already devised in a sea of winds and many stumbling blocks.

I thouth that maybe you were right to avoid direct communication between us for now (in fact you were not). From my side, I see now that I am more afraid of you, your reaction on what I could say, not keenly or clumsy. I do not feel like a genius in this period. I am afraid of making mistakes with you, like walking upon eggs… (This is expression in French : "Marcher sur des oeufs" describing precarious path).

Probably you could describe, in some aspects, similar feelings. I don’t know, but you won’t describe like this your innermost feeling, because this is the touch we seem to have lost for now : spontaneous expression.

I don’t know how you explain that, but for me I think this is the trace and effect of this "G" crisis. My heart and my feelings were deeply shaken up. From this wounds I had to take back and retire a bit to protect myself. Did you said that this gentlemen was 20 years older than us ? This was part I am not sure having hear right, when you called (by phone) and the line was not good. After, we didn’t dare to speak, with clear voices, on Skype. Probably that would have helped better… who knows ?

Now I feel like I have and icy mountain, with thick snow, not easy to climb… And you are reluctant to give me clear sign when there is so much uncertainties in near future for you and your family, and inside your heart, also… ahhh !

Good thing is we have time before us. You still have a lot of things to do but also time to think. Winter will go by pretty fast, you will see. And spring will bring whole new inspiration.

As long as you wish, I will continue to write here for you. Remember, you promise to tell me when significant change comes to you.

I also continue to copy entries in your blog, just in case… Now I didn’t not copied comments. Do you want me to copy those comments also ? You said you were relatively indifferent to comments but sometimes you reply and add some precisions or perspectives. I also wait (no emergency) for you to send me (in Words files, maybe?) archives of our first period, communications in Yahoo! Messenger, since beginning until my computer problem, in mid-November.

In all, I am confident now that time will disperse this cold and clouds hanging over your City, and that genuine hope can comfort our hearts.

Your Jacques

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3 commentaires leave one →
  1. LEAVES permalink
    3 janvier 2010 10 h 22 min

    I went to the skype and leave message everyday (yesterday and today).But it seems you haven\’t there for days. It is so cold outside,and all night and day is snowstorm and now the snow stoped but wind start very strong.temperature fall to the lowest in 40 year.I have never experienced cold weather like this! It is really terrible.I did go out for three days ,staying home with my daughter (everyday her boyfriend come to us and stay with us.)

  2. LEAVES permalink
    3 janvier 2010 10 h 23 min

    Corect: I didn\’t go out for three days

  3. 3 janvier 2010 12 h 52 min

    I am happy we have been able to speak together, finally ! This is a big relieve. I was wrong thinking that connection was lost. It is just, for some problem, we did not had the chance to hear each other. That is why I think this would be better if we do talk together even just few minutes sometimes, but a bit every day. When you can not, simple, you write me, here or by email. But I will show regular periods of disponibility, so you could call as you wish. Hope you have good dreams now. Thanks to you, I am happy and I will have a good day !

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