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Yes, you are right…

23 décembre 2009
Yes, You are right. I live the selfish life. I am the one who does not care and do not even really think about others. I am not good at that.

It is always good to help other people that really are in need. You have this, your people, always think about cooperation, collaboration, thinking of family, then the clan or group, the collective. Here we see much less of that. We pretend to be and develop as individuals. So no wonder after if we feel alone and find nobody to help us and take care of our little self when we feel empty.

Individualism here became the norm, and for a vast majority of people who are not even truly developed as personalities. So this is just, in so-called society, like a collection of unrelated robots that are going by some kind of physical energy but with no heart really open to the world.

Do you want to go Africa after or before your retirement… in three years !, is it so urgent that you can not take time to plan better ? I don’t know how long I could manage to survive in Africa. Which country you are thinking of ? I am not the true lion. Because true lions originated from Africa. And I could not stand more than few weeks there, possibly not even able to make a living there.

And you felt like I am less passionate because I can not sufficiently understand your needs and your problems. My conclusion is that I do not deserve your love. And also that maybe this is already to late to merit. My worth in terms of helping the world is close to nothing.

So remaining question is : what can I do about that ? Can I still do something ? And this is not so easy to answer. And still more difficult to really do something in that correct direction. It took me long to understand your African issue, or should I say "project".

I can at least try 1) to see and think more deeply about this, to make it also my concern. And 2) to determine positive actions, steps I can take and change to operate concretely, in my action, in my self, to participate in healing suffering, correcting problems : to learn to do my best and contribute for better life in earth.

Yes, love must be open and caring for more than just one chosen being. And also, that people who are helping voluntarily, like you, also need, sometimes, to be understood in their feelings and their needs cared about, and to be helped when they feel helpless and without support.

So, now, I consider to retreat from earlier position : not willing to tolerate your longing for other shoulders to rely on. With my pain first, and my jealousy, second, and wrath, after, (not only angry was I, but really infuriated) I fully showed not only my vulnerability and weaknesses, but also lack of fundamental understanding.

I am very sorry not being able to please you. Nothing is easy, here. But simple… well, maybe.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. LEAVES permalink
    24 décembre 2009 8 h 38 min

    Just wish You can find the way to make yourself happy!Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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