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Emotional longing

15 décembre 2009
Emotional longing here for You is at same time leading motivation for exploring the course of spiritual Path heading toward meeting with your fully acknowledged being. There is no irreparable griefs here, not unbearable weight leading to despair, because this hope remains that life is still possible, in future, maybe not so distant, with you as my love and me as yours.

And like you said, not living ahead or separated from real being, actual experience of the Path is joy, in itself, to taste and cherish, regardless, almost, of "heaven at the top" after climbing the mountain. Therefore I intend to spend the last two weeks of this odd year mainly in meditation, leaning toward you, trying to send you energy and more courage (I know you already got plenty) and being receptive, widely open to influence and inspiration incoming from you.

I will also read and study and write, and listen to music and enjoy my time of leisure with renewed attention to time and spaces and all kinds of experiences expected (or not) to happens into this general shape welcoming the world that is not only ours but also the world of all others… So our love will not be disconnected and we will not aim to live only a selfish life, when or if we could achieve to spend good time in meeting each other.

Maybe we will choose to be more like witnesses of actual history in the making, more than actors in such situations on the move. So we must be prudent not to compromise future possibilities, maybe accepting to curb our enthusiasm, or even cool down expressions and write cautiously not to attract unwanted attention, never acting, anyway, to appear like threat to any kind of dangerous power.

I think, specially, that better possibility for you decide to live here with me happily would be to try to arrange that other persons you care about within your family could come also to settle here new life. I think of that because if not, I sense you will always feel less free, yourself, to enjoy life here with me. Even not come at all… Because, yes, I feel your heart as changed… I am very sad for that. You do not love me as you thought before…

J.Y.

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